The Art of Chasing Your Dreams
If you are a dreamer, come in. If you are a dreamer, a wisher, a liar, a hope-er, a pray-er, a magic bean buyer, If you're a pretender, come sit by my fire, for we have some flax-golden tales to spin. Come in! Come in!
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To anyone who’s ever had their heart broken.
I’m very careful about who I chose to let in my life; as we all should be. We are, after all, the sum of the five people we’re around the most. But I’m especially guarded when it comes to who I let into my heart. As with everything in my life, I refuse to settle for mediocrity. Plus, I kinda believe in soulmates.
It’s actually pretty sneaky, this love stuff. It rarely happens, and when it does, it’s always when you’re not looking for it. Like when you’re volunteering at an event for Generosity Water, and you don’t notice the boy that’s been noticing you all night. A month later, he’s all you can think about. Funny how that happens.
So you spend the summer trying to navigate your feelings, and it doesn’t work out. And in that moment your heart is shattered, not because of what you lost, but because you lost what could have been. You suddenly find yourself with more questions than Siri can answer… and who does she think she is anyway always telling you she “gives up”?
You briefly consider never letting anyone in again, perhaps henceforth assuming the identity of a celibate nun. It’s starting to sound like a lot of fun, but then your friend sends you a quote on vulnerability. You decide having your heart broken sounds better than having an unbreakable heart.
Plus you still have hope inside you. So you close your eyes and turn to God, thankful he can read your mind because you’re too weak to even pray aloud. You ask Him to give you strength beyond your means, something of the Chuck Norris caliber, please, because anything less won’t suffice getting you out of bed.
He delivers, and you don’t even shed a tear over said boy, which is saying a lot because sometimes you go through a box of Kleenex when you’re watching Gossip Girl (please tell me Chuck doesn’t die, he was just starting to get it together). But you know if God was going to take someone that incredible away, it is only so He can give you someone even better.
So that’s months ago - you’ve blogged about it, moved on, have the best friends in the world and way too much going on to give it another thought. Before you know it, you’re not looking again. But if you were, you’d be thankful for that broken heart. That experience raised the bar, and from now on, your heart refuses to accept love of a lesser value. You’ve reached a whole new level of expectation, one that only God would dare to exceed.
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Strong Enough to Break
I’m in the heart of the city and it’s pouring rain. It’s a surprisingly warm 62 degrees outside. In LA this would be considered winter, but here it means fall has arrived and coats are still optional. Rain or shine, Chicago is the most beautiful city in the world.
No matter how long I’ve been away, walking the familiar streets of this city makes me feel like I’ve never left. But it also reminds me why I did leave. Inside of me is an insatiable hunger which has led me all my life towards a search for something more. Something deeper. God’s purpose for my life.
I came to Chicago this week on a whim. I guess I needed to experience an actual change of season to recognize the one that I’m stepping into in my own life. This last year has been a series of bold yeses and unapologetic nos, the combination of which, in retrospect, has felt a lot like a divine test of my character.
I suppose that’s what happens when you publicly call yourself out on your desire for self-actualization via practicing what you preach. As I strive to become the best version of myself, I realize that means figuring out how to be genuine in my strengths and weaknesses alike. Regardless of the circumstances I find myself in.
When things are going good, it’s easy to be a light to others. When we feel loved, it’s easy to open up and be vulnerable. When we’re inspired, it’s easy to lift up those around us. When things aren’t going our way, what’s easy is to retreat, put walls up, and shut out the world. But it’s in those situations that our attitude counts the most.
Truth is, I hate failing. I hate letting people down. I hate not having all the answers. I hate anything that makes me feel weak. But at the end of the day, we can’t control everything that happens to us in our lives, but we can control how we choose to respond. The true test of our character reveals itself in those not-so-glamorous moments.
In the midst of heartbreak, choose to love. In the face of disappointment, choose to encourage those around you. When you think your situation is impossible, choose to have faith. That, to me, is a true testament of your strength. After all, if there’s nothing to shake you, how will you know if your foundation is strong enough to hold you up?
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Big Lights Will Inspire You
Sorry for the impromptu hiatus from blogging. I assure you I carried around a pocket full of dreams during my travels this summer, but found myself seizing moments instead of trying to document them.
Imagine my surprise when I blinked and realized not only is October half-missing, but LA has decided to unprecedentedly participate in the phenomenon known as ‘seasons’. Hostage to its temperamental whims, we’re being jerked between triple-digit purgatory and chilly London skies. I suppose this is one way to keep us on our toes.
Well, it was a summer of love, anyway.
Yes, love; I’m borrowing you from Merriam Webster in hopes of adequately abridging my summer. Perhaps I feel so inclined to do a one word synopsis because I’m in the middle of reading Kevin Hall’s Aspire and I find his brilliant account of etymology to be incredibly inspiring.
But either way, love, my very favorite of virtues, weaved its way into every fiber of my existence these last few months, reiterating my belief of what really matters in life. Fulfillment; the kind that comes with knowing you are satisfied in every area of your life that you crave to be satisfied in.
In Who’s Got Your Back, Keith Ferrazzi offers a personal success wheel categorizing the areas of our lives that we seek fulfillment. By concentrating on advancing in the areas of deep relationships, giving back, spirituality, intellectual stimulation, physical wellness, financial success, and professional growth we propel ourselves forward towards a meaningful, happy, and successful life.
For me, that meant a summer of take-no-prisoners games of hand-and-foot with my grandparents, volunteering to laugh incessantly with a roomful of toddlers, humorously over-analytical discussions with my family, barefoot walks and witty banter with Taylor and Alisha on the streets of Chicago benefiting kids 8,000 miles away in Africa, and patient, obedient conversations with God.
And then there was the late nights in front of the fire with tea and a good book, fleeting yet urgent adoration of the Romeo and Juliet sort, fearlessly connecting with daughters of the king, turning big ideas into blueprints into working projects, and the sweet simplicity of nights bathed in music surrounded by the most un-Hollywood of friendships.
Then, autumn was in the air and there I was walking with my Aunt Janet six miles around the lake that she lives on, both admiring and dreading the falling leaves. I briefly departed from my optimistic nature in order to tell her that fall makes me sad because it means summer’s over, the trees are dying, cold weather is moving in, and another year is approaching its end.
She laughed dismissively at my melodramatic conclusion, and proceeded to tell me why fall is her absolute favorite time of year. Fall, you see, marks the turning over of a new, brightly colored leaf, and with that comes all the hope, anticipation, and promise that only a new season can bring. Thus we are given a chance to catch our breath, reassess our goals, and proceed with the confidence that a new day has come and all things are possible.
Time to bid adieu to Summer 2010. Adieu, by the way, is French and literally means “to God”. Interestingly enough, it was part ofàdieu vous commant, “I commend you to God.” Who (besides Arthur Watkins) knew etymology could be so fun?
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Hurry Up and Wait
If there is one thing I am terrible at, it’s waiting. Once when I was 12, I was waiting for my mom to take me to school. She was held up by my brother who was deliberately taking his own sweet time getting ready.
On top of that, the car was blocked in by my dad’s stick-shift truck. I took it upon myself to move the truck so that we could leave faster once my mom did come outside. Nevermind having not yet been taught to drive (let alone manually). I’ve seen it done, I can figure it out, I thought.
So I climbed in the truck, started the engine, and all of the sudden I was flying backwards, held hostage to an uncontrollable vehicle, paralyzed by fear. The truck miraculously sailed right between two trees unscathed before crashing into a third. Needless to say we were a lot later to school that morning than we would have been had I just waited for my mom.
Sometimes life just makes you wait. Sometimes, after you have done everything you can to get to where you want to be, you have no choice but to sit back and let it happen in its own sweet time. Well, just as driving stick has never gotten easier for me, neither has waiting. Persistence, not patience, is my forte.
When persistence becomes impatience, hastiness, or pushiness, our actions can become detrimental to our futures (that’s when we crash trucks and prolong the desired outcome). Oddly enough, this season of my life seems to be titled ‘hurry up and wait,’ thus I’ve been forced to discover ways to uncover the hidden opportunities while I ‘wait’ for the right opportunity. Not an easy feat for go-getters.
Before I go any further, let me define the ‘waiting’ period I’m referring to. I’m not talking about sitting around, doing nothing, and hoping your dream will fall into your lap.
I’m referencing the point in your journey when you’re going after what you want so hard that you’ve exhausted all possible avenues of making it happen and all that is left to do is what is not in your hands to do. Don’t sit around twiddling your thumbs, maximize your ‘waiting’ potential.
Last weekend I had the privilege of hearing Priscilla Shirer speak,and in one of her messages she stressed the importance of sowing the right seeds today in order to reap the right harvest tomorrow. That means whatever season of life you are in, your decisions today will directly affect your future tomorrow. This especially applies to those of us in the ‘waiting’ period.
That means instead of closing your eyes and wishing this waiting period would just pass, you take control of the situation and do things today and every day that will align you with your personal goals- look for the beauty in the ordinary, find the hidden opportunities (or create them!), get uncomfortable, think outside the box.
One of my friends is this beyond-gorgeous model who books everything from Fashion Week in NY to month-long gigs in China… that was until her most recent photoshoot where the stylist chopped her long, blonde, beautiful hair into a short, choppy, asymmetrical mullet. Talk about waiting periods. All of a sudden the girl in the mirror no longer resembled the girl in her headshot and her phone stopped ringing. What’s a model to do?
For starters, she took lots of vitamins that encourage hair-growth. Then she got new headshots to reflect the girl she is (for) now. And because you can’t undo spilled milk, she has been shopping herself for opportunities that she never would have thought of (edgy Tokyo stint, commercial hipster chick, Bon-Jovi hair double). One thing she’s not doing is sitting around waiting for her hair to grow back. She realized that waiting periods do not equal periods of inactivity.
3 Ways To Maximize Your ‘Waiting Potential’
1. Prepare
My friend in Chicago is in a ‘waiting period’ before she can move to LA to act in September. We brainstormed a few things she could do to align herself with her goal of acting and decided that she should take classes at Second City (unique to Chicago) in the meantime to get the kind of experience and connections that will open doors for her once she gets to Hollywood. She took her first class a few days ago, loved it, and is confident it is going to help her with auditions in LA.
2. Educate yourself
If your goal is to one day travel the world, use this waiting period to study the languages, history, geography, and culture of places you will one day travel to (just a helpful hint, if you’re wanting to learn another language, Rosetta Stone is probably the best program out there for it. Spanish or Italian anyone?)
3. Be creative
Let’s say you’re an aspiring photographer who would love to have your photos of people in Time Magazine one day. Take those pictures today. There are amazing portraits just waiting to be captured all over your city. Find the grandfather holding hands with his granddaughter as he walks with her across the street, find the homeless man playing the keyboards at the boardwalk, singing with a huge smile on his face, find a stranger, talk to them, find out their story, capture it, start a blog, share their story with the world. The world is your canvas.
Imagine six months from now you are sitting across from the person responsible for putting you where you want to be in life and they ask you what you’ve been doing to prepare for this desired position. Would you rather tell them you were waiting for your hair to grow back or that you saw more light than tunnel and were able to capitalize on previously unexplored avenues of your career as you hand them your bursting-at-the-seems-with-greatness portfolio?
Think about your résumé - your character résumé, work résumé, life résumé - are you constantly working towards expanding your experience, qualifications, skills, and education to align with your objective? Right now, during this “waiting period”, you are planting the seeds of your future; choose to plant these seeds carefully, consciously, and creatively and you won’t be caught off guard when your garden starts to bloom.
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Are You Courageous Enough to be Happy?
I like to think of myself as adventurous. Three years ago, I packed my suitcase and spontaneously hopped on a plane to LA. I had no money saved up, no car, no job, no place to live, and no friends or family to help out once I landed. Just a dream and faith that it would all work out. And it did. Beyond anything I could ever imagine.
But here’s the thing about that leap. Before I did it, I was in a rut and didn’t even realize it. I was overstaying my welcome at my lovely aunt’s house, driving my little cousins crazy, and wrapping myself in a big, comfy, security blanket of risk-aversion. I was trapped somewhere between making a decision (NY or LA) and being safe (Chicago). Then one morning I woke up, and I didn’t want to be safe anymore, so I bought a plane ticket.
It’s funny how ruts-under-the-guise-of-complacency sneak up on you. You don’t love your job, but you deal with it “for now”. You want to move to your favorite city, but you don’t because (insert whatever excuse you’ve been giving yourself). You’re too old for this, you’re too young for that. You have this dream in your head, but that’s where it stays because the path to it isn’t guaranteed and you are waiting for the right “moment” to take that calculated risk, only you and I both know that the most rewarding risks in life are not calculated and the best moment for anything will forever be right now.
Are you stuck in the bittersweet seduction of a rut? There is a difference between being truly satisfied in your situation and holding yourself back because of fear. Perhaps things are just not going your way right now and you are letting the opposition get to you. Are you inadvertently waiting for the straw that will break the camel’s back? Do you need to be forced into fight or flight by way of an uncontrollable circumstance? Maybe you feel like you can’t win because the odds aren’t in your favor.
I had a “the universe is against me” day last week. I woke up and found out I didn’t get this perfect-for-me-job in New York that I’ve been vying for. Then I found out due to circumstances beyond my control I have to move on June 1st (nevermind I just moved in January). Then I received an evasively lazy “no can do” response to a simple e-mail request. Icing on my big, fat, cake of rejection for the day.
I was feeling stressed out on the level above what yoga-breathing is able to cure, so I called my poor dad and proceeded to unleash an unfiltered emotional “the-world-must-hate-me” rant on him. He let me go on for a minute or two, and then abruptly snapped me out of it. “Let go of all this anger and negativity and open your eyes to the opportunity that is in front of you,” he said, “on the first, one way or another, you are goingsomewhere!”
Instantly my anxiety melted away, because, hello, he was right. I was goingsomewhere. This was not four walls closing in on me. The sky was not falling. I just did not see the window that had opened up in front of me, I chose not to see the light, refused to feel the breeze. Until that moment. “Wow, dad. You’re right… so where we going?” I asked, already smiling.
“Happiness is a form of courage” - Holbrook Jackson
I don’t know who it’s by, but I love this quote: “Do not fear the winds of adversity. Remember: A kite rises against the wind rather than with it.” I am that kite. I just forgot for a minute. I’m the one that rises above when things don’t go my way. I’m the one who can assemble the pieces of an impossible puzzle. I’m the one who starts running and figures out her destination on the way. I’m the one who has God on her side and can’t lose because of it.
So are you, the minute you choose to break the unproductive cycle of a rut. Here’s a ladder, so start climbing:
- Don’t wait. If there is something in your life you want to be doing right now, the time to do it is right now.
- Take things into your own hands, create your own solution, do not sit idly by hoping someone or something will come along and fix your situation.
- Stop seeing problems as closed doors and start seeing them as open windows of unexpected opportunities.
- Be willing to take risks, get a little uncomfortable, try every avenue, flirt with uncertainty, put yourself out there, and find another way.
- No more excuses, procrastination, self-pity, negativity, or self-doubt. Replace any sentence you ever started with “I can’t because” with “I can because.”
One of my mentors is one of the most successful people in the entertainment industry and one of the happiest, most well-rounded people I know, but his career wasn’t a guaranteed straight shoot to the top. He built it from the ground up with a lot of hustling, risks, and determination. In fact, his journey was once interrupted by a devastating wipeout in the form of a staggering $38 million dollar bankruptcy (yes, you read that right). If he can climb out of that rut, what the heck is stopping you or I from overcoming a little adversity?
