the art of chasing your dreams

Faith wins. Hollywood, 2011

“Above all else, guard your heart.” – Proverbs 4:23 NIV

I’m very careful about who I chose to let in my life; as we all should be. We are, after all, the sum of the five people we’re around the most. But I’m especially guarded when it comes to who I let into my heart. As with everything in my life, I refuse to settle for mediocrity. Plus, I kinda believe in soulmates.

It’s actually pretty sneaky, this love stuff. It rarely happens, and when it does, it’s always when you’re not looking for it. Like when you’re volunteering at an event for Generosity Water, and you don’t notice the boy that’s been noticing you all night. A month later, he’s all you can think about. Funny how that happens.

So you spend the summer trying to navigate your feelings, and it doesn’t work out. And in that moment your heart is shattered, not because of what you lost, but because you lost what could have been. You suddenly find yourself with more questions than Siri can answer… and who does she think she is anyway always telling you she “gives up”?

You briefly consider never letting anyone in again, perhaps henceforth assuming the identity of a celibate nun. It’s starting to sound like a lot of fun, but then your friend sends you a quote on vulnerability. You decide having your heart broken sounds better than having an unbreakable heart.

Plus you still have hope inside you. So you close your eyes and turn to God, thankful he can read your mind because you’re too weak to even pray aloud. You ask Him to give you strength beyond your means, something of the Chuck Norris caliber, please, because anything less won’t suffice getting you out of bed.

He delivers, and you don’t even shed a tear over said boy, which is saying a lot because sometimes you go through a box of Kleenex when you’re watching Gossip Girl (please tell me Chuck doesn’t die, he was just starting to get it together). But you know if God was going to take someone that incredible away, it is only so He can give you someone even better.

So that’s months ago – you’ve blogged about it, moved on, have the best friends in the world and way too much going on to give it another thought. Before you know it, you’re not looking again. But if you were, you’d be thankful for that broken heart. That experience raised the bar, and from now on, your heart refuses to accept love of a lesser value. You’ve reached a whole new level of expectation, one that only God would dare to exceed.

Believe. Chicago, 2011

I had my doubts, but I threw them all out; I had faith. – Meiko

I’m in the heart of the city and it’s pouring rain. It’s a surprisingly warm 62 degrees outside. In LA this would be considered winter, but here it means fall has arrived and coats are still optional. Rain or shine, Chicago is the most beautiful city in the world.

No matter how long I’ve been away, walking the familiar streets of this city makes me feel like I’ve never left. But it also reminds me why I did leave. Inside of me is an insatiable hunger which has led me all my life towards a search for something more. Something deeper. God’s purpose for my life.

I came to Chicago this week on a whim. I guess I needed to experience an actual change of season to recognize the one that I’m stepping into in my own life. This last year has been a series of bold yeses and unapologetic nos, the combination of which, in retrospect, has felt a lot like a divine test of my character.

I suppose that’s what happens when you publicly call yourself out on your desire for self-actualization via practicing what you preach. As I strive to become the best version of myself, I realize that means figuring out how to be genuine in my strengths and weaknesses alike. Regardless of the circumstances I find myself in.

When things are going good, it’s easy to be a light to others. When we feel loved, it’s easy to open up and be vulnerable. When we’re inspired, it’s easy to lift up those around us. When things aren’t going our way, what’s easy is to retreat, put walls up, and shut out the world. But it’s in those situations that our attitude counts the most.

Truth is, I hate failing. I hate letting people down. I hate not having all the answers. I hate anything that makes me feel weak. But at the end of the day, we can’t control everything that happens to us in our lives, but we can control how we choose to respond. The true test of our character reveals itself in those not-so-glamorous moments.

In the midst of heartbreak, choose to love. In the face of disappointment, choose to encourage those around you. When you think your situation is impossible, choose to have faith. That, to me, is a true testament of your strength. After all, if there’s nothing to shake you, how will you know if your foundation is strong enough to hold you up?